I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
