five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
