you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
