Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
