omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
