....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
