I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
