Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
