i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
it's like iHOP with fire
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
BRING THE BAGELS
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
