nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Alive.
So much puke
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
