I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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