just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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