I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
