He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
