I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
