A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
MIDGETS
????
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
