Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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