I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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