GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
