:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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