This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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