one word: firstdatebathroomanal
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
