i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
