Christians are straight up FREAKS
Jerry, you need to find god
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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