So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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