I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
