im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the day after is always just damage control
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
