Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
