So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
