Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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