I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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