All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize