I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Houston, we have a blender
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
