Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
