Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
