Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize