Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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