well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Randomize
