when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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