Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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