Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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