The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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