I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
