I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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