i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
