i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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