This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
