I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Help me help you realize you are a moron
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
