Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
