did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
