Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
