Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
