Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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