I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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