WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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