You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize