I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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