Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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