We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
