I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
