my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
