I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
