I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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