Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
