Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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