bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
