i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
