I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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