Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
