last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
