yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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