WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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