matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
