He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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