I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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