I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
