He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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