I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
