There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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