don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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