If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
