Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
