Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
