Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
