what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
