oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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