I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
